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My Cancer Story

Fuck Cancer

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  • This is the Story…
  • 2015
    • March 2015
      • Fuck Cancer – CaringBridge Introduction
      • So, It’s Lymphoma – March 31, 2015
    • April 2015
      • Flowers for Deb – April 2, 2015
      • Another Day, Another Biopsy – April 4, 2015
      • Quack Quack – April 8, 2015
      • New Do and a Portacath – April 10, 2015
      • Coming At You Live from Treatment Room 25! – April 13, 2015
      • Now For the Good Stuff – April 13, 2015
      • And…. We’re Done! – April 13, 2015
      • Live From Treatment Room 6 – Cycle 1, Part 2 – April 14, 2015
      • Live From Treatment Room 9! – April 15, 2015
      • Look Good Feel Better – April 15, 2015
      • Update and Wig Day – April 16, 2015
      • Wig Play – April 16, 1015
      • Relatively C-Free Weekend – April 18, 2015
      • Port Draw Day – April 21, 2015
      • Better Today April – 22, 2015
      • That Moment When “Personal Grooming” Ceases To Be An Issue – April 25, 2015
      • Today’s the Day April – 26, 2015
      • Bus Stop Baldness Reveal – April 28, 2015
    • May 2015
      • Accessorize! – May 3, 2015
      • Live from Treatment Room 9! – May 5, 2015
      • Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig – May 5, 2015
      • Neulasta Appointment – May 7, 2015
      • Pulled an All-Nighter – May 12, 2015
      • Things of Note – May 12, 2015
      • I Remain in Custody – May 12, 2015
      • The Latest From Room 5012 – May 12, 2015
      • Some Things Can’t Be Unseen – May 12, 2015
      • Freedom!!! – May 13, 2015
      • Well, Crap! – May 13, 2015
      • Back and Forth and Still Here – May 13, 2015
      • I’m Bustin’ Out! – May 14, 2015
      • I’m Fine – May 18, 2015
      • Cheers! – May 19, 2015
      • Live From Treatment Room 21! – May 26, 2015
      • She Made It! – May 26, 2015
      • Needles, Needles Everywhere – May 27, 2015
      • Crazy Brows – May 28, 2015
      • Lashing Out – May 30, 2015
    • June 2015
      • Crash Into Me – June 1, 2015
      • And I’m Free, I’m Free Fallin’ – June 3, 2015
      • Spoke Too Soon – June 4, 2015
      • Hot Child in the Suburbs – June 5, 2015
      • PET Scan – June 11, 2015
      • PET Scan Results – June 12, 2015
      • Live From Treatment Room 19 – June 15, 2015
      • Round 4, continued – June 15, 2015
      • Needledeedledee – June 16, 2015
      • Blech Day – June 17, 2015
      • Bump in the Road – June 18, 2015
      • Waiting for Godot – June 18, 2015
      • Homeward Bound – June 18, 2015
      • R&R – June 19, 2015
      • Deb and The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day – June 23, 2015
      • Chillin’ – Retro Style – June 24, 2015
      • Housekeeping – June 24, 2015
      • Housekeeping – June 24, 2015
      • Chillin’ – Retro Style – June 24, 2015
      • Deb and The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day – June 23, 2015
      • Mail Bag – June 25, 2015
      • Zzzzzzzz – June 29, 2015
      • Closer to Fine – June 27, 2015
    • July 2015
      • Doesn’t it Figure? July 6, 2015
      • Live from treatment room 6! – July 7, 2015
      • Back Home – July 7, 2015
      • Good Day So Far – July 8, 2015
      • Great Day – July 8, 2015
      • Polar Opposite – July 9, 2015
      • Tasteless – July 10, 2015
      • Owie – July 11, 2015
      • A Horse of a Different Color – July 13, 2015
      • Adventures in Neutropenia – July 14, 2015
      • Fire-Free – July 14, 2015
      • Chillin’ – July 15, 2015
      • False Advertising – July 16, 2015
      • Chemo Head as Art – July 25, 2015
      • Live from Treatment Room 16 – July 27, 2015
      • L’Chiam! – July 27, 2015
      • Thoughts On My Last Treatment Day – July 28, 2015
      • Fuckity Fuck Fuck – July 30, 2015
      • A Bit Better – July 31, 2015
      • My Haunted Leg – July 31, 2015
    • August 2015
      • Fire Watch – August 2, 2015
      • Yep – August 2, 2015
      • Definite Incineration – August 3, 2015
      • Prisoner – August 3, 2015
      • Incineration Continues – August 4, 2015
      • Sunset, Day 2 – August 4, 2015
      • On Hair – August 4, 2015
      • Going…. Going… – August 5, 2015
      • Gone! – August 5, 2015
      • Back in the Saddle Again! – August 18, 2015
      • Live From the Nuclear Dungeon – August 20, 2015
      • Better Images – August 27, 2015
      • CANCER FREE(ish?) – August 24, 2015
    • September 2015
      • Ow! – September 2, 2015
      • Po’ Hawk – September 11, 2015
      • No Hawk – September 15, 2015
      • Can’t Do Math – September 15, 2015
      • Definite Progress – September 19, 2015
      • Step by Step – September 24, 2015
      • Not Totally Random – September 20, 2015
    • October 2015
      • Lashes! – October 1, 2015
      • Live from Sbux – October 7, 2015
      • Lumps & Bumps – October 20, 2015
      • The C-Word – October 27, 2015
    • November 2015
      • Hair! – November 10, 2015
      • Here Piggy Piggy – November 21, 2015
      • HaaallelUjah! HaaallelUjah! HallelUjah! HallelUjah! HalleeeluuujAH! – November 24, 2015
    • December 2015
      • Endings, Beginnings, and Mergings – December 13, 2015
      • Deported! – Dec 14, 2015
      • Season’s Greetings, Urinator Update, and More – Dec 23, 2015
      • First Haircut! – Dec 30, 2015
  • 2016
    • One Year Later… – Feb 19, 2016
    • Another Follow Up Visit with Alla – March 6, 2016
    • Meow Scan – May 31, 2016
    • Rockstar and Red Beans – Sep 11, 2016
    • Housekeeping – Nov 5, 2016
    • One Helluva Week (and a Half) – Dec 16, 2016
    • Checkup Time! – Mar 14, 2017
  • 2017
    • Clearing My Plate – Dec 15, 2017
    • Checkup: Check! – Aug 29, 2017
  • Epilogue – 2020
  • Other Stuff
    • BiselBlog
    • Deb Moran Photography
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On Hair – August 4, 2015

I’m still waiting to find out if I’ll be sprung today. Meanwhile, I thought I’d share some musings I’ve had on the whole hair loss thing. In between chemo cycles, I’d get some fuzziness on my head because the hair would grow back a bit. Not enough to have kept it, mind you. I would have looked pathetic with thinning, patchy hair. I much prefer the smooth look. It makes a statement. Maybe several. Well, here, in the hospital, I’m not exactly worrying about my appearance. So, yesterday, The Girl looked at my head and asked, “Did you forget your razor?” Never in her life has she noticed if I don’t shave my legs, but my fuzzy head – yep, that’s much more apparent to her.

It probably only took me a few weeks to get used to seeing my bald reflection in a mirror, but behaviors are a different story. When I shower, I still run my hands over my “hair” under the water. And I still have the urge to wrap it in a towel when I’m drying off after. And when I scratch an itch? It wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I’d be careful to just use the very tip of a fingernail so as not to muss my hair.

I have to say, unless I see someone with a fantastic ‘do, I don’t miss having hair one bit. It’s so freeing to not have to deal with washing, conditioning, styling it. And I’m really not looking forward to the whole growing it back process. Though, I still plan to rock a Mohawk (a short one) while I’m in the GI Jane stage, before the full-on chemo curls grow in. I figure I can probably gauge how well the hair will come in (and when I’ll stop shaving the fuzz) based on my eyebrows and eyelashes. I am DEFINITELY looking forward to those coming back.

I’m not sure which of those I miss more – the brows or lashes. The other day, I mentioned to Hubs that I thought the barely there brows were what really made me look like a cancer patient. He looked at me and said, “Nah, I think it’s the bald head that makes you look like a cancer patient.” (We laughed.) Seriously, though. I didn’t feel like I looked ill when I saw myself in the mirror until the brows and lashes went. It’s been a long time since I felt I absolutely had to wear makeup to step out of the house, but these days, I don’t even like running to Tarjay without my face on. I just keep telling myself… soon. I’ll be back to my low-maintenance (stop laughing, Hubs) ways soon.

Anyway, I’ll let you all know when I hear about my fate today. Hopefully in an hour or so. Cross everything!

Original Comments from the CaringBridge Blog:

Hoping for good news!
—Amber Youngman, August 5, 2015

My eyes are crossed!!!!!
—kay matton, August 5, 2015

Everything is crossed, and at 80, that ain’t easy!! : )
—jo Wilken, August 5, 2015

Going…. Going… – August 5, 2015 →

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